Rick Perry Brings Fresh Attention to Turkey

I have some distant relatives from Turkey. They seem like nice enough folks. Not a one of them has ever hijacked a plane or threatened to behead anyone…at least as far as I know. It’s tough to be sure who might be a closet terrorist in these troubled times.

The enemy among us

There aren’t many Muslims in Turkey. Folks there are mostly Scots-Irish Southern Baptists or Methodists, but if you’re thinking of attending their annual Bob Wills Festival this spring, you might oughta be on a heightened state of alert. And don’t forget to cover up the women.

The “Turkey” Rick Perry described in his spectacularly idiotic comments at the South Carolina debate bears no more resemblance to the nation on Europe’s eastern border than to the charming Panhandle town at the edge of the Llano. Or to a bird, for that matter.

He never should have made it that far into the debate anyway. Defending the desecration of corpses was bad, but once he described the state of South Carolina as being “at war” with the Federal government they should have turned off his mike and escorted him out of the building. You have to wonder what set of encyclopedias he’s gotten hold of.

With Perry backing out of the race, what does that say about the orders he received from God? If the man upstairs told Perry to run, why did he issue the same orders to half a dozen other people? Could it be that God doesn’t have the same clout inside the GOP that he used to and he’s hedging his bets? Does the big fella have a finer sense of humor than we give him credit for? Did Perry overhear a call that was actually intended for Rick Santorum?

Worse yet, Perry may have just discovered he’s been taking orders from the wrong voices. That might explain how he ended up shooting that coyote.

Perry’s done now, and the remaining candidates in the Republican Presidential Clown Car can stretch their legs a bit. Slowly but surely we’re easing toward the end of this excruciating spectacle and in spite of all the humiliation and insult we’ve endured we might still end up with a nominee who can name the leader of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan (sp?). We’ll need to know his name so we can ask him if they have oil.

There remain several rounds of misery ahead while Santorum introduces us to more of his icky fascination with other people’s sex lives, Gingrich describes his…interesting…marital history, and Ron Paul explains how genuinely fond he is of Israel and black people. This could still, theoretically, end badly. Very badly. But there is genuine reason for hope.

One consequence of the most deeply unRepublican Republican nominating race in history is that we have been introduced to a whole new set of ideas. I’m not just talking about the crazy ones.

For the first time in modern history we’ve wrestled with the assumption that last season’s runner-up should be this year’s nominee. We’ve had a genuine contender openly question whether it’s a wise to give the business lobby anything and everything it asks for. The emphasis on debates as a method of candidate screening has made it possible for more candidates with less money to get a good solid look from the voters. And most importantly we seem to have initiated a more or less meaningful argument over what the conservative movement is going to look like for the next generation.

The bad news of course is that Rick Perry isn’t exactly finished. He’s returning to his day gig in Austin where no one ever asks him to retain three whole things in memory at the same time. As incoherent as Perry has become, no one can be too certain which “Turkey” has him worried. As the President of the sovereign state of Texas returns home, the wild Turks of the Panhandle would be wise to brace for new scrutiny. They should plan to arrive at Amarillo’s Husband Airport a little early. Some enhanced screening procedures will await any of them not wearing an Aggie ring.

You can be sure that the good people of Turkey will take it all in stride. Though Rick Perry may still be Governor, they know that the world’s most famous Turk, Bob Wills, is the Still the King.

via Rick Perry Brings Fresh Attention to Turkey | GOPlifer | a Chron.com blog.