![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.turkishnews.com\/en\/content\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/goldman.jpg\" "\\"goldman\\"")
<\/p>\nA Letter from Goldman Sachs<\/p>\n
Concerning Occupy Wall Street<\/p>\n
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)\u2013 The following is a letter released today by Lloyd Blankfein, the chairman of banking giant Goldman Sachs:<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Dear Investor:<\/p>\n
Up until now, Goldman Sachs has been silent on the subject of the protest movement known as Occupy Wall Street. That does not mean, however, that it has not been very much on our minds. As thousands have gathered in Lower Manhattan, passionately expressing their deep discontent with the status quo, we have taken note of these protests. And we have asked ourselves this question:<\/p>\n
How can we make money off them?<\/p>\n
The answer is the newly launched Goldman Sachs Global Rage Fund, whose investment objective is to monetize the Occupy Wall Street protests as they spread around the world. At Goldman, we recognize that the capitalist system as we know it is circling the drain \u2013 but there\u2019s plenty of money to be made on the way down.<\/p>\n
The Rage Fund will seek out opportunities to invest in products that are poised to benefit from the spreading protests, from police batons and barricades to stun guns and forehead bandages. Furthermore, as clashes between police and protesters turn ever more violent, we are making significant bets on companies that manufacture replacements for broken windows and overturned cars, as well as the raw materials necessary for the construction and incineration of effigies.<\/p>\n
It would be tempting, at a time like this, to say \u201cLet them eat cake.\u201d But at Goldman, we are actively seeking to corner the market in cake futures. We project that through our aggressive market manipulation, the price of a piece of cake will quadruple by the end of 2011.<\/p>\n
Please contact your Goldman representative for a full prospectus. As the world descends into a Darwinian free-for-all, the Goldman Sachs Rage Fund is a great way to tell the protesters, \u201cOccupy this.\u201d We haven\u2019t felt so good about something we\u2019ve sold since our souls.<\/p>\n
Sincerely,<\/p>\n
Lloyd Blankfein<\/p>\n
Chairman, Goldman Sachs<\/p>\n
via A Letter from Goldman Sachs \u00ab Borowitz Report.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A Letter from Goldman Sachs Concerning Occupy Wall Street NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)\u2013 The following is a letter released today by Lloyd Blankfein, the chairman of banking giant Goldman Sachs: Dear Investor: Up until now, Goldman Sachs has been silent on the subject of the protest movement known as Occupy Wall Street. That does […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":45629,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[846,922],"tags":[6553,7340,6984],"class_list":["post-45627","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-business","category-world","tag-goldman","tag-goldman-sachs","tag-occupy-wall-street"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.turkishnews.com\/en\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45627","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.turkishnews.com\/en\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.turkishnews.com\/en\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.turkishnews.com\/en\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.turkishnews.com\/en\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45627"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.turkishnews.com\/en\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45627\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.turkishnews.com\/en\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/45629"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.turkishnews.com\/en\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45627"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.turkishnews.com\/en\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45627"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.turkishnews.com\/en\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45627"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}